


What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused?

by brenforelsket



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brenforelsket/pseuds/brenforelsket
Summary: Tumblr request prompts “What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused.” & “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”A LITTLE SPOILERISH FOR SEASON 3
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader
Kudos: 27





	What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused?

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr request prompts “What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused.” & “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.”
> 
> A LITTLE SPOILERISH FOR SEASON 3

You sigh in relief as the last patron leaves the bar late into the evening. Nights like this always make you question if you made the right choice back then, to leave the Survey Corp and live a simpler life inside the walls. It was too late to go back now though and one thing - one man keeps you far away from anything that has to do with the military.

You know you can’t blame Erwin for being the way he is, the world and fate of humanity has made him into what he is, a devil; risking the lives of everyone who trusts him for the sake of humanity, although half the time it felt like it was Erwin only sacrificing people for his own dream, to prove his father was right. 

At one point it’s what you wanted too, to see the man you love accomplish his dream but once you started to realize the cost of fulfilling that dream, you weren’t sure it was something you could continue to support. With each comrades death, just waiting for it to be Erwin or you next, you grew further apart from the Commander, until it drove you to leave the military. 

You asked Erwin to come with you and give up on his deadly dream, to leave the Survey Corp and come live a long, happy life together. But he refused, no matter how much he loved you and wanted to be with you, the truth was far too important and something he would sacrifice everything for. At least that’s what he said the night you left, but a part of you believes it’s not totally about the dream, it’s more that he just didn’t love you enough.

That was all years ago though, your hurt and sadness towards him has only turned into resentment and with each death count he brings back, it only makes you feel more disgusted with him. At what point will he have had enough? 

The bell hanging above the door jingles and a cold breeze comes into the bar as the door opens.

You turn from the countertop you were wiping down. “I’m sorry, we’re closed for the n-” you stop dead in your tracks when you see the tall frame and blonde, flawless undercut.

“I’m not here for a drink.” Erwin says as he takes a few steps into the bar and the door swings shut behind him. “I just want to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” You place the wet cloth on the counter and fold your arms over your chest. 

“Well, would you at least listen to what I have to say?” he seems sincere but you truly don’t believe there’s anything left to be said between the two of you.

“No.” You back up against the counter as he closes the distance between you, you aren’t ready to be this close to him, not after so long of being apart. “What gives you the right to just waltz back into my life after all the pain you’ve caused?”

As he gets closer, you can finally make out his alluring blue eyes and stoic features but he looks like a defeated man, it’s something you’ve never seen from him before. It hurts you to see, you avert your gaze from his face, looking down towards his chest and your eyes widen in shock when you notice his missing arm. 

“I know I’ve caused you a lot of pain Y/n.” his voice draws your attention back to his face.

“Then you would know why I don’t want to speak with you.” 

He exhales and takes a seat on a bar stool. “I do… But I found myself making my way here, wanting to speak with anyways.”

It’s quiet for a long moment, you aren’t sure what to say and a growing realization makes your heart drop to your stomach. “You came to clear your conscience before you die. Didn’t you?” 

He dodges your question, not that you were expecting him to answer but you know it’s true. “In my state I’m mostly dead weight but-”

“You have to fight, right?” You can’t hold back the years of anger that have built up inside of you. “You have to lay down everything, gamble it all, even your own life, to save humanity - no, to achieve your dream.” You slam your fist onto the counter and continue to raise your voice. “Then what Erwin?! What happens when you find out the truth? Will you even make it that far?!”

“I don’t know.” he answers honestly as he stares forward into the bottle sitting on the shelves behind the bar, his eyes dark and unblinking. “I won’t know either unless I give everything.”

There’s no use arguing, there never is with Erwin. Head strong by heart when he puts his mind to something he doesn’t give it up. You used to love that about him but now it’s just a trait that reminds you why you left in the first place. “Is it really worth everything?” you ask and take a seat a few stools away from him. “Your dream?”

“Yes.”

You aren’t sure why you even asked, of course it’s worth everything to him, he’s made that clear before. “So why come here? You already gave up on me - us for this dream of yours.”

“You were once a part of that dream,” he admits and you see his face drop from his normal seriousness, to something much softer. 

You can feel the tears start to pool in your eyes but you fight hard not to let them out. “I thought that’s what I wanted too.” you voice waivers only slightly, you pray he didn’t notice. “But it’s not what I want if it means sacrificing the lives of all my comrades and myself.”

“It is a heavy price to pay.”

“It's one only a man like you is willing to pay.” the words hurt like venom and you regret saying it immediately, biting your lip to hold off the cry that almost escapes you.

He doesn’t say a word as he stands up from his seat and starts to move towards the door. 

“Aren’t you going to answer me?!” you cry, tears freely flowing from your eyes. “Why did you come here, just to say all of that?!” 

“I’m leaving y/n.” he says quietly, the sound of his shoes echoing throughout the empty bar. “Tomorrow we’re going to retake Wall Maria.”

“Leaving to die right?!” he doesn’t say anything, he only keeps walking. “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do!” you cry uncontrollably as the door shuts behind him, you want to run and chase after him. What if he really did die? Would you be okay with those being the last words you spoke to him? You don’t know but you can’t find the strength to move from your seat as you fold into yourself, letting out all your tears.


End file.
